The Pursuit of Happiness

NOTE: This began as a comment on a friend's Blog post.
http://boudicabooks.org/2012/10/16/the-pursuit-of-happiness/

Happiness of self Vs. Happiness of Family, eh? Alright *rolls up sleeves*

I had spent the ages of 18-24 trying to make my Family (parents, siblings, spouse, inlaws) happy. It took two Common Law marriages and subsequent breakups and breakdowns for me to finally stop putting someone else's, anyone else's happiness above my own. It took all of that to finally learn to be just a tiny bit self serving. Which, by the way, is a very healthy thing to be.

I have always been the type of person to be able to seek joy in the small things. Like a good book, my favourite movie, a comfy sweater, Mom's best recipes, or simply a piece of music (I'm currently listening to a play list entitled 'Celtic Christmas' despite it being October) however, it took a lot of effort to figure out how to make myself truly happy. For me, this was surrounding myself with friends who think I'm crazy but support me every step of the way, while never afraid to tell me when I'm being ridiculous. It was finding a job that I enjoyed, excelled in and through which I could help others. It was finding things to do in my off time that were rewarding and fulfilling, and avoiding ever having the feeling of just 'putting in time', be that at work, or at play.

Faced with the reality of my declining health (See my posts on Physical Health), I have been confronted with the challenge of finding other ways of being helpful, useful and productive. I have struggled with the balance of putting my own needs, mentally, emotionally, and physically, above the 'demands' of those around me.

I've always had a pretty good grip on reality and the concept of mortality, but watching my uncle suffer through stage four lymphoma has certainly brought into perspective the fact that each moment is precious and that we should not put our happiness off until tomorrow. Granted that there are always things that require patience, but instant gratification has also become a selfish trend in our society.

Now to answer Victoria's question about personal happiness vs. happiness of the family unit.

You are part, if not half, of the Family Unit. If you're not happy, the Family is not happy. You smile and nod and go through the motions, but meanwhile, there is an undercurrent of unsatisfaction and frustration. And we all know what the inevitable end of that is. It may not be the destruction of a family, but the blow ups that occur when the scale suddenly tips too far to the side of frustration are cataclysmic. It can sometimes takes days, weeks, even months for the ripples to fade.

I'd like to say that we are all guilty of putting ourselves on the back burner at one time or another but I think 'we' in this case, is probably only a very specific category of people. That's a topic for another day.

Bottom line. You can't make anyone else truly happy if you're not happy yourself. Unhappiness is just as contagious as Happiness. Some people just have a better buffer against the scowls they pass on the street. Just as almost no one can resist a smile when confronted with one. So smile bright when you mean it, and learn to admit that you simply aren't happy instead of taking up the 'smile and nod' habit. You'll be better for it in the long  run.