Then I stumbled across the Spoon Theory. Suddenly, I had at my disposal, the prefect metaphor to explain to people what it's like! Variants and all! I do not know why I, of all people, couldn't think of something like this on my own. I am a writer, for heaven's sakes! Metaphors are how I paraphrase what others are telling me to make sure that I've understood what they've said, and very often, I will use them to clarify my own statements. *facepalm* Nonetheless, I've got it now.
Here's the simplified version:
When I wake up in the morning, I have a pocket full of Energy Currency (in this case, the writer chose spoons, as it was what was at hand). I have only this finite amount of Spoons for the day, and each day, the starting amount varies. So I have to very carefully balance out how many Spoons I have, with what I want to get done that day. If I over spend, I have to be very aware that I am now borrowing against tomorrow, which almost always comes with interest. Meaning that if I over do it today, tomorrow, I'm going to be on my ass. Which, if you think about it, sounds more like what your grandparents might say than a 27 year old. Fitting, since half the time I feel like I'm 80 years old.
The thing to really be aware of in this metaphor, is that everything costs Spoons. Showering, one spoon. Shaving, one spoon. Getting dressed, one spoon. Making breakfast, one spoon (minimum). There are days that I simply do not shave, or wear anything more complicated than Jammies, because I simply do not have the energy.
Everyday life is a constant battle of Quantity vs. Quality. Some days I get all dressed up, just to sit around the house, because it helps battle the depression.Other days, I push through a laundry list of chores, because either my sanity requires it, or I'm trying to wear myself out to combat the insomnia. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I end up puking my guts up from the pain of having done too much.
The few times that I do exercise instead of housework (as if that weren't enough workout for 2 people!), it feels good in the moment. There are some things that I should be doing on a regular basis, like stretching (see bottom of article for diagram), and if I knew what was good for me, I'd get back into my Fitocracy account. I still have to keep everything in balance, though. "Too much of a good thing, is no longer a good thing." In this case, too much working out is worse for me than none at all.
Painkillers, caffeine, and naps help to reclaim Spoons, sometimes, but not always. Often times, these measures simply keep me stable enough to sit and relax without bleeding away excess Spoons from the pain. The biggest consumer of Spoons? Stress. I'm getting better at emotional control in the face of adversity, but a worrier will always be a worrier, to some degree, and I'm the eldest sister of three, and a mother in training. Trust me when I say that I am a professional level worrier :P Add to that the potential volatility of a French/Scottish temper, and we've got a very explosive combination. But, baby steps. I am getting better at controlling it all, little by little. If not for my own sanity, and the sanity of those around me, then for my own health.
