Temptations

The minute that someone explained to me that things like fear and doubt could be classified as temptations, a switch flipped in my brain somewhere. Temptations? *scoff* I know how to deal with temptations. You're looking at the girl who didn't have an ounce of chocolate for 6 months. The same girl who gave up alcohol for over 8 months. I've never had a problem with impulse buying or spending beyond my limits. I am a very budget minded person, and have no problems ignoring all of the afore mentioned temptations. Now I had the weapon with which to slay my inner demons.

What nobody tells you though, is how much energy it takes to stay strong. When you're dealing with a degenerative neural disease, you don't really have a whole lot of energy left after fighting your mind, body and emotions all day. I honestly don't know what people are talking about when they say I'm so strong. The person who snaps or lashes out because she's so damned sick and tired of being sick and tired does not seem very strong to me. I do try to keep my temper reigned in. The good news is that I happen to be a very self aware person, so I win more than I lose on that front.

As we come out of Christmas and my birthday, and therefore out of the only season I permit myself to gobble whatever food I like, I'll be eating smaller portions again and doing more exercise, in hopes that as I show my body who's boss, I'll also be able to work on controlling my fear and my temper.

The good news is that I have already noticed some progress on that front. I'm able to notice the temper tantrums as they build instead of after I've become a whirling dervish of fury. And I'm already noticing that my motivations in my everyday and personal life are no longer rooted in fear. I am able to look the fear in the face, acknowledge it, and then step around it. I can't even begin to explain how amazing that feels.

As far as diet and exercise goes, a recent visit to a Nutritionist has left me with some useful advice that I have already put into place. Let's see what my weigh in is like at the end of the month.