This was something that I wrote and published to the Writings section of Facebook, years ago. I stumbled across it today, and decided that this was a good forum to post it anew. Shall we step into the time machine?
October 24, 2009
"Put aside relationships that are unfulfilling".
This was a one-liner from my 'Faith and Religion' discussion group from way back when, but it continues to strike a chord with me. I'm sure we all have the kind of relationships that we feel are more draining than fulfilling. But what do we do about it?
Well, I suppose it depends on the type of relationship; How much time, energy and how much of yourself you've poured into it, and the degree of drainage; How much damage you feel is being done to you mentally, emotionally, physically or even financially- though I tend to think that last one is more a final straw, and of less import. For instance:
I cut ties with an Ex that I had been with for 7 years, living together for 4 years, and still friends for a year after that. It took me the last two years of the relationship to figure out that to be happy, I had to walk away. Away from 4 years of routine, 7 years of dedicating myself to him. Away from most of my friends, away from home, hearth, and family. I left him and the North behind and started anew here in Hamilton. It took me another year to figure out that even being friends with him was still draining me mentally and emotionally. It took my mom giving me a lecture that I have given friends in the past, to finally cut all ties.
It's a good feeling not to panic every time the phone rings...
I recently cut ties with two friends who, after numerous times of throwing my friendship in my face, apologising, and then doing it again a few weeks/days down the road, I finally decided that it wasn't worth crying guilty tears. After all, it's not my fault that they can't accept the help given them, the help they've asked for.
I feel lighter for the loss, and yet, part of me still feels guilty, like I didn't do enough...
At a point in my mom's lecture, she tried to tell me to stop feeling guilty. That I am obviously a good person, but that I have to stop blaming myself for these failed relationships. I had developed the mentality that I was failing as a friend, not giving enough of myself to the relationships, even though, in truth, I tend to pour too MUCH of myself into my relationships. Mom said that while this is proof that I am such a good person, it is what makes me to vulnerable to heartache.
Is it just me, or do we 'good people' often end up the victims of relationship leaches? How many people are draining you? And why are you still letting them? For me, it is because I feel I owe them something. But when I stop to think about what, or why.... Why should I feel I owe my continued support and friendship to someone who is causing me nothing but misery and continue to throw said friend ship in my face?
It's my nature, I suppose. I want to help everyone.
I often quote Scripture or Poetry when I rant like this. So here's a couple of bits of poetry for our food for thought for today:
"The hardest things to hear, are those you always say,
When looking for advice, your own is hardest to take."
and-
"Worse that taking without giving,
Is giving without taking.
As the takers grow stronger,
The givers give themselves away."
And the ironic thing? I'm the Poet.
Well, I suppose it depends on the type of relationship; How much time, energy and how much of yourself you've poured into it, and the degree of drainage; How much damage you feel is being done to you mentally, emotionally, physically or even financially- though I tend to think that last one is more a final straw, and of less import. For instance:
I cut ties with an Ex that I had been with for 7 years, living together for 4 years, and still friends for a year after that. It took me the last two years of the relationship to figure out that to be happy, I had to walk away. Away from 4 years of routine, 7 years of dedicating myself to him. Away from most of my friends, away from home, hearth, and family. I left him and the North behind and started anew here in Hamilton. It took me another year to figure out that even being friends with him was still draining me mentally and emotionally. It took my mom giving me a lecture that I have given friends in the past, to finally cut all ties.
It's a good feeling not to panic every time the phone rings...
I recently cut ties with two friends who, after numerous times of throwing my friendship in my face, apologising, and then doing it again a few weeks/days down the road, I finally decided that it wasn't worth crying guilty tears. After all, it's not my fault that they can't accept the help given them, the help they've asked for.
I feel lighter for the loss, and yet, part of me still feels guilty, like I didn't do enough...
At a point in my mom's lecture, she tried to tell me to stop feeling guilty. That I am obviously a good person, but that I have to stop blaming myself for these failed relationships. I had developed the mentality that I was failing as a friend, not giving enough of myself to the relationships, even though, in truth, I tend to pour too MUCH of myself into my relationships. Mom said that while this is proof that I am such a good person, it is what makes me to vulnerable to heartache.
Is it just me, or do we 'good people' often end up the victims of relationship leaches? How many people are draining you? And why are you still letting them? For me, it is because I feel I owe them something. But when I stop to think about what, or why.... Why should I feel I owe my continued support and friendship to someone who is causing me nothing but misery and continue to throw said friend ship in my face?
It's my nature, I suppose. I want to help everyone.
I often quote Scripture or Poetry when I rant like this. So here's a couple of bits of poetry for our food for thought for today:
"The hardest things to hear, are those you always say,
When looking for advice, your own is hardest to take."
and-
"Worse that taking without giving,
Is giving without taking.
As the takers grow stronger,
The givers give themselves away."
And the ironic thing? I'm the Poet.
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