Wednesday, 8 April 2015

Holly & Ivy



Flynt was mostly quiet on the way up to the penthouse. He did hum and bob a bit in the elevator, dancing to some music in his head that always seemed to be there, but Holly was so used to this particular antic by now that it was simply white noise to her, and did not intrude on her brooding.  It took a little more energy than she was willing to admit, to keep the presence of Ivy from the others. Which, she supposed, was why she has succumbed to her anxiety at the gathering. She had wanted to lose herself in her everday tasks, which included sitting in on some of the local bible studies and discussion groups. She was determined to understand the Human Condition, as her betters described it; their wanton need for conflict and hypocrisy. Christianity seemed to be a good place to begin, as even their fellow humans pointed them out as one of the most hypocriful groups that there were.  But apparently, the energy that she had lost to the battle of keeping Ivy hidden has cost her, and when faced with that hypocrisy, full on, she had buckled, feeling trapped, attacked, and persecuted. Not to mention unwelcome, by a flock whom had professed their want to get more new faces, younger faces, in the church, and keep them there. When Ivy had hear this statement, she had simply scoffed and declared, “Ya. Right. Good luck with that!” and fallen silent again.
Her status as a councillor to local Big Brothers and Sisters groups had been her shoe in. No one in the mundane world knew her for a Fey, nor, for that matter, as Fey Royalty, now several steps less removed from the throne. It was refreshing, but she also knew it couldn’t last forever. Fey courts were Out enough these days that the media was bound to find out sooner or later. Not that she expected any Fey to go running to the Mortal Press Core. However, there were enough mundane, or those with muddied lineage, that the breach in etiquette was bound to happen, eventually.
However, she was adored by enough of those same people, that her good favour may be enough to keep them from trying to curry favour with the Press.
The doors opened, and Holly obediently waited for Flynt to give the all clear before stepping into her penthouse apartment. She had grown up watching the Guard clear rooms for her relatives, but she had never had to get used to that, herself, and it was taking some time to get used to. At first, it had rankled. She shouldn’t have to wait for permission to enter her own damned apartment! However, Flynt had a way of disarming her temper, assuring her that it was not a power trip on his part, but instead, a deadly honour. His would be the first nose out of the door, his body the first target for any possible threat. When he put it that way, it was difficult to resent him for it.
She watched him, poised with the alert tension of a feline, ready to slam the emergency door close button at the first hint of danger, but looking completely relaxed to an untrained observer. Flynt came back into sight, nodding tersely, and as she stepped out of the compartment, she watched him visibly relax. The most difficult part of his job was done for the day. Now, it was just glorified babysitting. She had always thought that it must be those guards which had earned punishment of some sort who earned the Body Guard details, but she was slowly beginning to understand that it was in fact one of the greatest honours bestowed upon the Guard. They took their jobs seriously, and many of the best guards had lost their lives the day of the massacre.
“I’m gonna shower, then soak in the tub for a while. Feel free to put on the game or whatever,” she offered as she toed out of her boots, and hung her jacket in the closet. She still felt taut as a piano wire, and badly wanted the solitude of her clawfoot tub. Flynt nodded and flipped the TV on, punching in the number for his favourite sports channel, and heading for the kitchen, rifling in the cupboards and fridge. She paid him no heed, headed for the master bedroom for her bathrobe, a book, and then on to the on suite. She left the door between the bathroom and the hallway open a crack, Flynt’s compromise to not sticking his head in every few minutes to check on her. She still checked the locks on the large windows, out of habit, knowing he would have done the same. She also reinforced the runes on the panes of glass, using a small ceremonial knife that she kept for the occasion to pierce her skin, pressing her own blood to the glass as she murmured the words of the ward. Blood was a precious commodity in magic, and very powerful. Some would think the blood of a royal too precious for suck a spell, but they hadn’t been in the room to see half of their blood kin fall to the slaughter of a coup d’état.
She sucked the wound until it closed, another gift of her Fey heritage, and then stripped out of her clothes, dumping them in the hamper and stepping into the shower. She moaned aloud as the hot water sluiced over her skin, the tension slowly melting from her tense muscles and taut sinew.  She huddled into herself as the water flowed over her, taking with it much of the stress of the day, as well as the stench of humanity. She would never get over the smells. The noxious fumes, the chemicals in everything, in the body products, the clothes, the food, the drinks, the air…. She luxuriated in her UV treated, naturally softened water. She reached for her hand made bath products and stripped her hair of the layer of Human Grime with citrus and herb scented shampoos and conditioners, her skin, with a rejuvenating sugar scrub, tinged with black pepper and mandarin. When she finally felt pure again, she turned off the water, and crossed to the sunken tub. While she was in the shower, Flynt had been busy. On a tray next to the tub were a large glass of red wine, and a selection of nibbles from her kitchen. He had even gone so far as to light her meditation candles and turn on her CD player. There was a time that she would have rankled at the intrusion, but she was too bone weary to care today, and besides, as he kept reminding her, if she would simply allow a body servant, or even and hand maiden, then he wouldn’t have to faun over her. His words.  As things stood, she simply said a silent prayer of thanksgiving and stepped into the tub, turning on the faucet, and laying back to enjoy the feel of the water slowly immersing her it it’s kind embrace. She could hear the faint sound of the game wafting down the hall through the open door, and she had to admit that it was comforting to have another body in the apartment. Even with Ivy occasionally making herself known in the recesses of her mind, it was lonely without her sibling.

Monday, 2 March 2015

Visual Writing Prompt: Dark Angel





She was a Descendant, and he was Bound to her. His single duty, to keep he safe long enough for her to pass the Blood down the chain of Lineage. And he had failed. When the band about his wrist had darkened from Amber to Coal Black, he had screamed an unholy scream as he Faded to her side. Someone had covered her corpse with a red satin cloth. She was still warm to the touch, but the Warmth that was her Soul had faded. She lay there, hair askew, skin much too pallid, eyes staring blankly. He brushed his palm over her face, leaving her eyes closed, giving her a much more peaceful look. 

Nuriel wilted. Each feather in his graceful wings slowly fading from a golden kissed white, to a dull, matte black. His Light diminishing as he cut himself off from the Host. They knew, of course. His solitude was not an attempt to keep the news from the Host, but instead, a self-inflicted solitude. He couldn’t bear the sympathy of the others. He had failed in this, his most sacred of duties. He did not deserve their sympathy. 

He gathered her to his chest, tucking the satin around her, and together they flew through the darkness of the city, for the last time. He alighted on the balcony of the Church of the Fathers.  His wing brushed the handle of the French doors that opened into the study of Father Osiris. The dapper man looked up from the tome over which he was pouring. 

As soon as his bespectacled eyes took in the changes in Nuriel, he stood, rushing across theroom, the tome falling to a heap on the floor in his urgency. “Annie?” he choked out. Nuriel knelt with her draped across his arms, like a knight offering his sword.

(more...)

Friday, 20 February 2015

The View From The Garden



She stopped at the 24 hr grocery mart across the intersection from her apartment complex before she hit the road. A couple of cartons of good fruit juice, and two catering platters; one of veggies, and one of meats and cheeses. She knew that she would likely be the only one eating any of the meat, but that was okay. It was shaping out to be a long day.

A StarBucks drive through provided her with breakfast in the form of a muffin and a piping hot caffeinated tribute to her insomniac brain before she pulled onto the highway and headed away from the slowly brightening sliver of sky where the sun was just beginning to stir from it’s own uninterrupted slumber.

She ate the muffin and drank the coffee, knowing that tea would be had at the other end of the road, and so she would enjoy the hazelnut macchiato for now. Her messenger bag sat on the seat next to her, her laptop already singing its siren song, making her fingers itch. But for now, brainstorming would have to do. She was enjoying the quiet solitude of predawn traffic and wouldn’t spoil that by starting her dictophone app. 

Soon, the sun was chasing her to her destination. At 7 o’clock, she pulled into a service station to fill the gastank, stretch, and send a text, warning that she was on her way. She had her own key, but she still hated to show up unannounced. Some habits died hard.

Back behind the wheel, and on the road again, this time on the road less traveled, she had to avoid the urge to stop at all of her favourite tourist haunts, knowing that the polite chatter of the hawkers would disrupt the zen of her creative mind. She promised herself that she would take a break this afternoon, and she and her host would go back out together to see what the latest stock of wares was in season.

The air was still crisp as she stepped down out of the Jeep with her messenger bag over her shoulder. She took a few deep breaths, spiced with pine and the combined scent of the flowers surrounding the house. The cat came tumbling out of the undergrowth along the drive, mewing in greeting of it’s favourite visitor, and twining itself between her ankles. She reached into her pocket for the package of cat treats she always had handy on these visits, and obliged the calico with her customary greetings of scratches behind the ear, and a couple of tidbits. 

Her feline friend satiated for the moment, she loaded up the trays, and approached the house, admiring the home nestled into the hollow formed by the surrounding, sloping terrain. She likely couldn’t have chosen a better spot for retirement if she had tried. The owner’s best friend lived across the road, and they had been coming up hear for years when the kids were younger to go camping. It seemed fitting that the acreage should go on sale just as she and her husband were looking for property in the area. The fact that there had not been a domicile on the property when they purchased it did not dampen their enthusiasm. 

Balancing the trays on one arm, she used her key to let herself in, ushering the cat in before her as she stepped carefully into the foyer, hipping the door closed behind her, and pausing moment to let her eyes adjust to the difference in light before setting the trays on a table to divest herself of her outer wear. 

The retiree she was visiting  was in fact, the mother of her ex boyfriend. However, the annulment of their relationship had not ended their friendship, nor that of his mother and her. 

Nina had wondered at first, if the invitation to come by any time she liked had been just one of those things that British ppl say. Not wanting to have the bad taste to take politesse as intent, she had asked her friend to check with his mother. He had returned from their coffee date with a set of spare keys in hand. Well, that answered that!

Saturday, 7 February 2015

Mental Health Awareness - Bravery & Courage

(Reblogged from my Facebook Account)

To a lot of people, the bravest thing I do each day is wake up and face the day. And let me tell you, there are days when it certainly takes strength, bravery, and courage to do so. I think the most difficult days to face are the days when I wake up before my meds alarm. (That's right, I have an alarm to remind me to take my pills.) This is because I have to go through the motions, knowing that it is still X# of hours before I can take my meds, as I am on a 12 hr schedule for pain killers, and messing with that clock is a BAAAAAAD idea!

Now, there are boosters I can take, but most of those need food or caffeine to work effectively, so then I have that challenge to overcome, first. The easier route, and the one I have the hardest time avoiding/succumbing to, is to simply unplug.

I could get high or drunk and it would dull some of the pain, and put me in a place where I wouldn't care about the rest. The good news is, I don't have kids or a job that depends on me. I'm 'self employed' as a Life Coach, and on Ontario Works because I can't trust my health enough to have a 'real job'. In fact, quitting my last job was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do (but that's a post in and of itself).

However, one of the things that I have promised myself is that I will not let my illness rule my life. It certainly RUNS my life; everything about my life has to go through the filter of conserving energy to avoid a bad flair, and just because I've been behaving, doesn't mean I'm not liable to end up with a bad bout anyway, just because the weather, or an on coming cold, or my monthly cycle, or a bad dream, or some personal stress, or, or, or, or.....

But I'm not going to let it RUIN my life.

I am a headstrong, driven, intelligent, multitalented, social butterfly. And you can bet your ass that 20 days out of 30, I am living my life with a smile on my face and a laugh on my voice. But not without the constant urge to reach for a drink or marijuana or sleeping pills.

Add to the pot that I have an addictive personality and have already had my struggles with alcohol to the point that if I feel that I am going though a bout of depression, I will not drink a DROP! Not even a taste of a friend's fancy new beer or home made mead.

You guys usually see the smile, never knowing what it hides. No wonder the death of Robin Williams took us all by surprise....

Reaching out, destroying the illusion that I am fine, that I am happy, that I am healthy, that I am normal... That's what takes the courage. Facing each day is a choice I made when I decided to live life. In my eyes, there are two choices, live life, or quit. And I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet. I have people to love, lives to touch, lessons to teach, and stories to tell.

Mental Health Awareness - Asking For Help

(Reblogged from my Facebook account)

Last evening, my pain spiked. I have Fibromyalgia, and for me, that means never having another pain free day as long as I live. But my pain usually exists around a 4. Yesterday it reached as high as 8.5 before I finally applied some extra methods of pain regulation and had to retire to the bedroom, despite having company.

I struggled to get to sleep, often waking myself up simply because I'd moved, and a joint had protested to the point that I could hear myself whimpering, gasping, and otherwise vocalizing my pain. 

For many people, this in and of itself would be enough. They could end this post here, having made sufficient points about mental health. I mean, who wouldn't have issues with depression, etc. when faced with this as a reality?

But that's just the intro.

This morning, I'm still in pain. I had to use my cane to get out of bed and shuffle to the kitchen to start breakfast (oatmeal) and caffeine. My roommate called out to make sure I was okay when I made noises of protestation just bending to sit on the toilet. I had to get help to carry the laptop to the couch, and get my electric blanket out of the tangle of the bedclothes. I certainly needed help carrying a pitcher of water to the livingroom so I don't have to get up to hydrate today. Lifting it to pour into my glass is going to be deadly enough, nevermind carrying it all the way across the apartment,
I should mention that my roommate works nights. It was the end of their day, and all they wanted was bed. Which is completely understandable. However, I am living in a reality where the most dangerous (read: most likely to cause me excruciating pain, with the possibility of losing support in my legs and falling to the floor) is to bend over. My joints are just WAITING to collapse under the weight of my body.

So really, I should have asked for help plugging in the laptop, and my external hard drive, and my electric blanket. Instead, I bit my tongue and did it myself. All because I didn't want to be a burden.

Let me paint you a picture: My roommate would GLADLY and easily have done it for me. Would not have complained, or felt annoyed in any way. And yet.... Sometimes, when I KNOW I should be asking for help, I honestly feel trapped in my own mind. It's not that I can't get over the nagging guilty feeling, nor that it's some misguided sense of pride. I simply cannot open my mouth and ask. It feels like a mental block, that when I try to push past it, threatens a full blown panic attack.

Illogical, I know, but no one ever said that brains had to make sense.

PS: I got everything plugged in just fine. No falling, no sudden attacks of pain, but it took me about 5 times as long as it should have, because I had to move so gingerly.

Mental Health Awareness - Mad At Myself

(Reblogged from my Facebook Account)

I am slowly beginning to realize that for the last year I have been being slowly pushed out of his life, and I gave him all the room he needed because I was so sure that we were both going to come back to the table and be fine. This in light of one of his core precepts being that he is always willing to try if the other party is equally willing. I guess this is just another case of me being the catalyst to major change in ppl's lives -.-

The down side of being so loved and cherished by the ppl currently in my life is that I am realizing just how much was missing from my life in the last year. That all of the stepping back, all of the compromises, were simply slowly suffocating myself.

Sometimes this is the price I pay for sticking to my principles and being the bigger man.
Caveat: I do not hold him responsible. He is entitled to his feelings, his needs, and to change his mind. But doesn't mean that I can't wax poetic about how much if frigin' sucks!

Mental Health Awareness - Doubting that I am a Good Friend/Person

(Reblogged from my Facebook Account)

After a series of broken relationships and friendships, one of my biggest demons has been that there is something wrong with me, with who I am, who I have chosen and striven to be. Especially in the light of the fact that a running theme in these 'breakups', seems to be that the thing or things that the person loved most about me, has become the thing that has driven the final nail in the coffin of our shared histories.

It has taken some tears, some anxiety attacks, some days long bouts of depression to take into consideration the loud and plentiful voices of those of you who have stuck with me. The insistence that I am perfect just the way I am, have become an amazing individual, and that the only changing I should do is the changing I want to do to better myself, and the rest of the world be damned.
And truth be told, the admiration of my current web of friends usually outweighs the clamour of the hindsight of the hurt of those who were meant to be my nearest and dearest. Unless I'm unconscious, and then no amount of loving support from friends and family can over rule the demons as they mount my Nightmares.

That's when my anxiety is worst; between dreams, between waking and enough caffeine to face the demons full on, between blinks in the darkness behind my eyelids.

And as Robin has reminded us all, it only takes one dark moment to end a bright and shining life.

Thank you to those of you who shine lights into the dark crevasses of my struggles with Mental Health.